Phoning It In (Freddie Wong Script)
               FADE IN:


INT. STUDY - AFTERNOON

Shades drawn, sunlight grids a smoky shadowed study. The
flame of a lighter dances orange hues on an OLD MAN's face as
he puffs on the end of a cigar.

The PHONE RINGS.

Coolly, he raises the receiver.

OLDER MAN
Is it done?

MAN (V.O.)
(Phone)
We have new terms.

OLDER MAN
We have an agreement.

MAN (V.O.)
(Phone)
What you are asking is going to
require a little, more.

Inhales. Exhales a plume of smoke.

OLDER MAN
How much more?


INT. LIVING ROOM

FREDDIE, disheveled, is slouched on a couch, littered with
snack crumbs. Emptied soda cans, magazines and debris are
scattered about the room. The television is playing Jedi A
Holes in a low volume. [Land-line Phone]

FREDDIE
800--

He picks up a Tv Guide.

FREDDIE (CONT'D)
--and a copy of SGU season 2. No!
Both, seasons.

INTERCUT BETWEEN OLDER MAN AND FREDDIE

OLDER MAN
We agreed to half that.

FREDDIE
Half is no longer enough, things
have changed.

OLDER MAN
What has changed in the last 18
minutes?

FREDDIE
Gas. Rent. Milk is like 3 bucks a
gallon now.

OLDER MAN
Milk? You want more money, for
milk?

FREDDIE
Have you ever had Wheaties without
milk? It's like flossing with a
paper towel.

OLDER MAN
You're becoming more of hassle than
what you're worth.

FREDDIE
--or open mouth kissing a hampster.

OLDER MAN
Do you think this is a game?

FREDDIE
That depends. I know some things
about games.

OLDER MAN
I'm paying you well for a simple
job and I expect it to be done and
I won't be extorted by you.

FREDDIE
This isn't a negotiation.

OLDER MAN
If you can't handle the job, I will
find someone who can.

FREDDIE
600.

OLDER MAN
(beat)
What?

FREDDIE
Fine. No DVD box set and no
Facebook Like.

OLDER MAN
What kind of amateur crap is this?

FREDDIE
Amateur? I've seen shit that will
turn you white. Dogs and cats
living togeth--

OLDER MAN
I won't be punked by some god
damned kid who thinks he's playing
Sylvester Stallone.

Freddie ponders that one.

OLDER MAN (CONT'D)
If I don't get what I want and this
conversation ends, so will you.

FREDDIE
(Realization)
Oh yeah, Assassins.

The older man pulls a revolver from a drawer and slides it on
the desk.

OLDER MAN
Is that clear?

Freddie slides a pistol to his lap.

FREDDIE
Crystal--

A woman is standing before Freddie aghast to the mess. He
pulls the phone away and muffles the receiver.

FREDDIE (CONT'D)
--can you give me a minute, I'm on
the phone.

The old man aims the gun at the phone receiver.

Freddie returns his attention to the phone.

FREDDIE (CONT'D)
Whoa! Easy.
(beat)
I get it. You're a tough
negotiator.
(beat)
Fine. I'll take care of your
problem for the price we agreed.

Lowers the gun.

OLDER MAN
Good.

Hangs up.


INT. LIVING ROOM

Freddie pulls the phone away.

FREDDIE
Douche.

He shuffles on the couch, brushes crumbs from his shirt. From
a crumpled scrap of paper in his pocket he dials a number
into the phone.

As he listens for the ringing, he slowly, sneakingly, raises
the gun to the phone.

MAN
(Phone)
Hello?

Freddie fires the gun into the phone. The bullet (or
alternative) travels along the winding, turning phone line,
eventually towards a light--


EXT. ANYWHERE

The bullet ejects into a MAN's head from the phone.


INT. LIVING ROOM

Freddie hangs up the phone, crashes back on the couch with
his favorite snack and watches television where--clips for
previous videos.

THE END